It was about two years ago and I was sitting on my green chair in my living room thinking about life. This question came up on the inside of me asking, “Are you willing to give it all up, the life you have created, your independence?” And boy oh boy was that a hard one to answer because I love being single. I love my independence, not having to ask anyone about anything and I love having time by myself.
However, there is also a big problem in that. We get so used to it just being us that we start patterns of thinking and the way we do things. I already touched on this a little bit here.
Complicated people
I see it in my own life. I formed routines and patterns of how I do things like having breakfast, the way I like things to be cleaned, organized, or planned. There is nothing wrong with that until those things become ticks that turn us into complicated people.
I remember a few years back I was really dealing with trying to have the control over all those things and I lost my spontaneity over it. I lost my ease and started being complicated. If things were not done exactly how I like them to be done, I started freaking out on the inside.
Nobody wants complicated people around them, right? We love hanging out and being friends with those people who are easy to be around who are uncomplicated.
As singles (unmarried), we have a higher tendency to become those complicated people because we do not have to ask anyone about the way we do things. The problem with being single is our independence gets in the way.
However, I do believe I can offer a solution or a way to deal with it. It all starts with the decision to let go and realize that our life is meant for community and sharing it with others more than just living it for ourselves. Are you ready to dive in?
How to fix the problem with being single
Observe
Most of the times it is a good thing to observe our behavior, what we think and what we speak for a few days. This will really help you see your life and the patterns you have created
Evaluate
After you have observed I want you to evaluate by asking questions like “Is it hard for me to change my routine?” or “Do I have to do _ (insert activity, chore, you name it) a certain way or would I be ok doing it differently or not at all?” or “Do I like to have the control over everything in my life? Is it easy or hard for me to let go?”
Be honest in your answers, take some time to think about them and the best thing to do is ask a friend. Have people in your life that you are accountable to. Give them permission to speak openly and freely into your life and help you stay your uncomplicated easy self.
I am so very thankful to have those kind of friends in my life who do not allow me to be complicated but still give me room to breathe and be and grow.
Change
It is one thing to observe and evaluate and a whole other story to deal with the problem with being single. I think letting go is the hardest part, but it is so good and will set you free. Do not try changing it all at once but set small action steps by purposely changing your routine or the way you clean or eat or think.
I am not saying you have to change who you are. I just want to encourage us (me included) to not allow our personality to become tick which leads to becoming a complicated person.
Much love
Ramona
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