I am a romantic. Always have been. I don’t just mean romance as in romantic moments between two people but romantic moments, which just happen like biking in summer rain or standing on the shore feeling the salt and the wind on your skin. However, today I am not sharing with you all those wonderful romantic moments I have had with another person but I am sharing with you about unrequited love.
It all started when I was 14 years old on an ice-skating rink and my friends told me that the boy I liked started dating someone else. Total teen drama. Funny enough a few years later I was sort of getting closer to that boy only to find out again that he started dating another girl. That was the first time my heart felt broken. I watched “A walk to remember” that night because Nicholas Sparks and unrequited love are the best combination…. NOT!!!
Little did I know that this in some variation would be the story of most my adult life: Like the guy, be friends with the guy, find out he has a girlfriend, likes somebody else… you get the picture.
I am friends with some of them and most of them are now married with kids. In a funny way, I never thought my story was over. It just always felt like I was writing somebody else’s story being the supporting act in my own. My ongoing joke was, “If you want to get married, just date me to find out I’m not the one but will help you get to the one.” I really did laugh about it! I called it my “special gift”.
In hindsight, I am glad it didn’t work out with any of them. It wouldn’t have been right. However, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard.
I have dealt with unrequited love very differently over the years from ice cream and pizza to sad movies, to deep, dark poems and Bon Iver music. None of these things are good solutions by the way. Especially not the dark poems part because you just stay sad longer and your heart does not really heal. At least in my experience it doesn’t.
Healing from unrequited love
The thing is: Everybody heals differently and needs different things. I will say this though: What you fill yourself with after experiencing an almost romance, unrequited love or even a breakup will determine the speed of your recovery and healing. It’s a very simple principle. Whatever we feed ourselves with we will become. If we feed ourselves with darkness it will reflect in our life (trust me I speak from experience). If we feed ourselves with Pizza and Ben & Jerry’s… well… I don’t need to say more, right 😉
The thing that has helped me the most is keeping an open heart. I know this sounds totally counter intuitive and odd but I had this revelation after one of those almost romances. I was in a very dark place and I had one choice: Build up walls or place my heart on my open hand and offer it freely. It was risky but I personally knew I was protected by God. I chose to offer my heart. I know I can heal. But tearing down walls requires much more work that I am not willing to do.
Being hurt is ok. It does hurt. Crying is ok. Just trust the process. Forgive, let go and take one little step after another. It doesn’t matter how small your steps are and sometimes you take two steps forward and one step back. But you are still moving forward!
From unrequited love to loving life as a single
Here’s what I know: your life happens now. Let the past not determine your future. You are a full and worthy person without being married. You are called, chosen, loved, beautiful, gifted, and smart and the best days are ahead of you. Being single whether you are in your 20s or 30s is and can be amazing.
You are the leading role of your own story. You are a hero and part of a grand and fantastic adventure. And you are not finished yet!
With that being said, if you would like to keep this conversation going, drop me a comment below or write me an email. I would more than anything love to hear from you.
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